Yoga Practice After Hysterectomy Surgery

It’s been about 7 months since my hysterectomy surgery and I’m slowly returning to my Ashtanga practice.  Practice has been a bit unscheduled, and by that I mean I’m not able to do physical asana every day yet.  On the days that I don’t do asana, I use the time slot in its entirety for my Lenten meditation with Mona Lisa.   My practice partner slid easily into our old morning practice routine and particularly enjoys the off-days because of the extended lap time.  

Back in January, I started with a sun salutations A and B, closed with the 3 lotus flowers and savasana.  By mid to late January, I added in the standing postures and headstand every few days.  Since I no longer have “ladies holidays”, I have peppered in my rest days in between moon days and Saturdays based on how my still healing body feels.  Speaking of which; I’d heard that Sunday was now a rest day, so I tried practicing on Saturdays for about 2 weeks before I settled back into the Sunday practice rhythm.  Old habits...

As far as led classes go, I take led primary classes on Thursdays and Sundays, which are so enjoyable after so much time off.   I really missed seeing everyone, the cozy warmth of the studio and the familiar sound of bare feet on hardwood.   I’m still on teaching hiatus except for the occasional sub opportunity, so that means there’s play time!  Oh how sweet it is to pop in on a week night or a Saturday morning vinyasa class for a little free stylin’. 

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, I attended my first full led primary class..  Physically, it was a command performance.  Making all jump backs and managing the arm balances somewhat gracefully.  However, about 2 hours later I found myself on the couch curled up with China Gel and Advil with my teacher Keith's voice in my head saying "skip some jumpbacks".   I slept in on Monday.

What have I noticed about my physical self since returning to yoga since surgery?

1. I have I have more room in my belly!  Folds and twists that hit a wall before have greater range of movement.   The growing solid bulk of the fibroids were really been doing a number on me.
2. I’m light.  My hips don’t feel nearly as heavy and I’ve managed to float once or twice.
3. Upper body strength seems in tact  but it’s my legs that get wobbly and my calves that burn.  I notice this mostly in vinyasa classes.  Also, my upper abs felt sore a lot initially but this has begun to subside.
4. My focus is much more intense.  I’ve never had much trouble with dristi, but it seems even more focused now.

What have I noticed mentally since surgery?

1. I'm in absolutely NO RUSH to regain my previous practice momentum and ability.   My hysterectomy feels like a right of passage along with age (smile) to this state of mind.  I do my best to stay on schedule, but sometimes I don't and I'm OK with that.
2. I frequently say hello to my new body during practice.  I'm still healing and have a long way to go; but at 7 months post op I've been amazed and surprised at what happens on the mat.
3. A weight of worry has been lifted.  Gone are the embarrassing ladies holidays that crept up on me and sidelined practice at a moments notice and created a constant, anxious state of mind.

This weekend, I'm attending a mysore session with Krista Shirley’s in DC.  This will be my first mysore studio session in about 10 months, so I'm looking forward. 

I've been taking some photos and videos of my practice to document post surgery progress mostly, and this photo was taken on St. Patty’s Day.  Found the socks when I was out shoe shopping.  I didn’t’ find any shoes, but the socks were a must have J. 

Kindness

Today is Father's Day, and the weather is glorious.  Sunny, warm, not humid.  This morning I watched church online, did mysore practice, had coffee then headed out to Trader Joe's to get flowers for my Dad, Harold L. Howard, Sr.  He passed away 14 years ago, just before Father's Day on May 30.

Each year on Father's Day, I pick up a bouquet of red roses (Dad's favorite) to take to his grave site.  For many years this ritual was difficult because his death left me raw and wide open.  In recent years, finally, his physical absence has become easier for me to accept.

A few months ago, I was at the car dealership having just negotiated the deal as planned on my new car.  While waiting for the 20-something sales associate to return from her manager's office, my boyfriend pointed to an empty chair that sat facing us in the cubicle.  "Guess who's sitting right there watching you?" he asked.  For a moment I was a surprised by what he was suggesting although we both have lost our Father's and share similar spiritual backgrounds.   In the moment, Dad's easy grin, his steady gaze through gold rimmed bifocals, and his nod of approval materialized in front of me.  At 46 years old and 14 years since Dad's passing, I was transported back to all the moments  that had been just like this one.  My mouth eased into a smile and my gaze softened on the chair.

Fast forward to this morning at Trader Joe's.  I picked out the perfect red rose bouquet and took it to the register.   The cashiers in there are very friendly; no matter who I get we talk like neighbors.  This one was no different and he asked how I was doing as I handed him the roses.  "Fine thank you.  Just buying flowers to take to the cemetery to my Dad."  The cashier stopped what he was doing.  "Wow.  You're the first person who told me that today. Everyone's been buying flowers and no one's said why."  I smiled at him and wondered what was strange about that, then went ahead and swiped my credit card.  The cashier stood there.  "I wish that there were something more I could do for you."  I looked at him.  "Your kind words of acknowledgement are enough."  He looked downcast and we stood there when I almost felt a nudge as if Dad said, "Come on Sugar, show me your new car."

"Thank you." I said again, the cashier smiled, I smiled back and left.  I don't know what made that young man pause, and our exchange stayed with me during the drive to Ft. Lincoln Cemetery.  As soon as I got there, I made a beeline to the funeral home ladies room for some paper towels on which to write this long overdue entry.

Dad you continue to find ways to inspire me.  Thank you also for allowing me to experience unexpected kindness on your behalf and for being with me wherever I go.

Missing you madly, still.

Love,

J

Practicing at Home: The Invitation

I've been on hiatus from studio mysore going on two months now and have taken to my living room for mysore in the past several weeks.  It all started with the Government Shutdown chaos that resulted in early meetings and late evenings at work.  My body ached for daily folds and back bending and I became irritable and agitative.  I sent a few text exchanges with my teacher to let him know what was going on, and just like that, life shifted. 

There were some empty moments in those weeks I didn't practice.   My creative endeavors waned, blogging included.   A few matters of the heart cropped up also, making me more prone to introspection and stillness.  I beat myself up during that time for not getting to the studio because there were some days I could have gone, but I was too darned tired.   I felt like I was letting my teacher and myself down, but as the weeks went by I discovered that this could not have been further from the truth.

Home is where I began mysore and fell in love with the quietness of the early hour. Mona Lisa, who is keenly intuitive recognized the pattern right away, eyes me passively when I rise and then goes back to sleep.  I wake now at 5:15 AM, which gives me about 30 minutes of extra sleep that my body needs right now since the weather has begun to turn cold.  My building is quiet, and the sunrise over the trees outside my window offers a magnificent start to each day.   Acquiescing to changing body rhythms stoked my internal fire and recharged me.

A friend posted a poem on FaceBook that inspired me into reflection of my grasping and resultant suffering.  Change was what I needed to see that beyond the ebb and flow of seasons and shifts in routine that the core of my being remains steady and I haven't let myself or anyone else down.    The Invitation speaks truth to life for me and I hope you enjoy it also.

The Invitation Oriah Mountain Dreamer Canadian Teacher and Author
	It doesn't interest me what you do for a living I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love for your dreams for the adventure of being alive. It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon... I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain mine or your own without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it. I want to know if you can be with joy mine or your own if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful be realistic to remember the limitations of being human. It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself. If you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul. If you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy. I want to know if you can see Beauty even when it is not pretty every day. And if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure yours and mine and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes." It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back. It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

August/September Recess

Since my last post, life has picked up quite a bit.  With no vacation to speak of for me since last Christmas and still nothing planned for longer than 5 days in the near future, I opted for some long weekends away in August and September.  What I didn't anticipate were the mornings I had to get to work early in exchange for my time galavanting for an entire day - usually a Friday.

Trips and a varied work schedule equated to not only missing mysore, but sometimes not practicing at home.  The first few times it happened, I felt awful about not going to the studio and worse, not late canceling my class reservation.  I'd become a regular at AYSDC and enjoyed the rhythm of getting up, getting out and seeing people in the predawn.  Plus, I'm super accountable.

When I practiced at home, I found that The Weaver  no longer woke up with me.  It was almost as though my waking up and not leaving was some gross error.  I can only guess that Mona thought I'd soon be putting on shoes to leave, so why go through the trouble of monitoring my activity?

I haven't been to the studio  much in about 3 weeks, but I've been in touch with Keith regularly and my periodic home practice helps me to feel on track save for the lack of adjustments.  Of course, it's not the same.  Off to work I would go, often sore from NOT practicing.  My low back missing the newly incorporated assisted drop backs.   I texted hot and cold to my teacher "I'll be there!" "Working early, ugh" or "Out of town, see you soon".   I felt like I was letting him down by not being there and told him so.   Keith is always empathetic and I appreciated his graceful check ins.  He texted,  "Just making sure you're OK.  The gang misses you."  

In addition to the long weekends and early work days, football season has resumed.  I'm a Washington Redskins fan and find myself pretty wrapped up in the team when the games begin.  The one Monday night game is out of the way now, so I'm sitting pretty as far as getting to bed at a decent hour during the season  :).  Here are few pictures from my long weekends.

Dave Chappelle Pre-show Stand Up Acts

Susquehanna Bank Center, Camden N.J.

My Nephew George and His Beautiful New Bride, Alicia

Columbus, OH

On the way to Breakfast
Edgartown, Martha's Vineyard

Big Bro and Me before Georgie's Wedding
Columbus, OH

Soror Deb and Me at the Season Opener for the Washington Redskins

FedEx Field -  Landover, MD

Lessons From the Mat

Here lately I’ve begun to take notice of a lesson that’s been presenting itself over the past few months in my Ashtanga practice.  It’s about the timing of breakthroughs. 

This morning, I almost chose to sleep in versus going to mysore.  I’d gotten just little less sleep than I needed, but no less so than usual.  While my mind wasn’t chattering about it; which is usually the case, it was just a feeling I had.  Snuggling in deeper under the covers I imagined drifting off again.

10 minutes in bed with this “feeling” before I threw back the covers and got in the shower; I ended up leaving the house about 20 minutes late.    In the world of mysore, 20 minutes equals an entirely different room when you arrive.    Unmoved by this because my own obstinence was to blame, I dutifully lined up my mat up at the next available spot and began the opening mantra.  Quiet as kept, although I'll lay my mat where ever, I do have a favorite spot.

Standing sequence went a little slower and I felt OK, but when I hit the floor my “feeling” came back.  I just didn’t want to practice and my mind wasn’t giving up any explanation.  Usually when I don’t feel up to practice I can pin it on either PMS (sorry men) or some emotional trigger (PMS) but neither was the case this time.  So I went on doing my practice anyway just trying to finish. 

I’m practicing full primary now, and am content to experience it in it’s entirety while smoothing out the last few several postures.  However, today in my resignation I had no expectations of any successes above simply completing the sequence.  So I watched myself as bhujapidasana approached.  Keith was nearby, but I didn’t look up and ask for help because I just wanted it to be over.   Forward I jumped, balanced and folded, and after about 3 breaths with my feet on the ground I said screw it and mightily pointed my toes.  There I balanced with pointed toes lifted and chin hovering for 2 breaths; a moment that has been 2 months in the making.

Moving through the next set of poses went as usual until setu bandhasana which is a posture that quite frankly until about a week and a half ago could have stood between me and Second Series forever but Keith said otherwise.  I’ve been practicing it for a little over a week, and with my teachers' help is a miraculous occurrence.  On my own I can never seem to get my legs straight before I feel like I’m going to roll right over onto my face.   That would be OK if I thought I could survive it, so I've been planting my hands to prevent what seems ominously inevitable in these early stages.

Fast forward to my “feeling”.   I looked at the clock and saw that I was still 20 minutes behind – WAY late for me to be finishing on a work day.   So I crossed my arms and pushed into the pose for maybe a breath and a half and then placed my hands down to brace myself for almost 3 breaths before exiting the pose.  “That’s it!” I heard Keith say, and smiling he came over to help me into a proper repeat.

It was when I got into my car and reflected that the lesson on breakthroughs came to me.    Consistently, I’ve made advances in my practice on the days when I struggle most.  Be it inflammation, tears, or "melancholy" it’s always true.   Short of being cliché, I have to acknowledge the fact that the yoga I began practicing on my own terms has only begun to truly reward me when I practiced on its terms = on good days and bad days.

It’s often a bitter pill, but when I am in the studio having a good day and I hear an ashtangi “going through” I’m at an instant compassionate towards them, as I know they are towards me on my bad days.  Regardless of who is having what kind of day practice continues and it's in the acknowledgement of others and acceptance of myself that moves me more than anything.  Off the mat in those early hours we share with each other about how we are really doing and what is really happening in our lives.  I've had some very candid conversations before 6 AM.

The asana successes are icing on the cake.  I know I'm leaving the studio steadier, stronger, more pliable and more alive having done my practice.   And this is all on what I thought was a bad day.  Here is where my perception on what that really means is changing.

Volver, Volver (To Come Back, To Come Back)

I downloaded a song over the weekend called, Volver, Volver by Buika.  The smokiness of her vocals lured me to iTunes upon a friends recommendation.  How apropo is the title of that song because today I got back on the mat after a 4 day break from asana.

The achiness I had been experiencing after Mysore practice had become barely noticeable recently, but is back today after such a long break.  Knowing that this would happen, I planned my work wardrobe accordingly.  It's not easy to conduct a normal stride in fitted suits and heels when the muscle groups responsible for keeping me upright are on the rebound.   With summer attendance officially in effect here at work, no one is around today to bear witness to my flowy, flat-footed outfit choice.  However, The Weaver did express concern for my shaky legs at the bathroom sink this morning.

This past 4 days my morning sadhana consisted of studying part 2 (Asana) of Kino's book in-depth and reading Ashtanga blogs.   Backing into things as I do, I'm ordering Yoga Mala this week from Amazon.  Meanwhile, there is plenty to study in Kino's manual that I have been applying to my asana practice since her book arrived in the mail a few weeks ago.

One cue in particular that Kino mentions often has finally resonated with me and that is dropping the femurs into the pelvis.  Awareness and subsequent application of this movement on a more consistent basis opened the portal to the release of my spine,  low back and surprisingly my groin muscles.  It was a subtle yet powerful practice changer and when it first happened in a down dog that Keith assisted me in he remarked,"There it is."

As much as I enjoy the rediscovery of my body through asana, nothing beats the Ashtanga Vinyasa ritual in its entirety.   Although I'm not there in practice yet, I am reading a lot about pranayama beyond ujayii in blogs and I've cracked open the Yoga Sutras again.   Another discovery - this one new - was  Saturday practice.  Currently, I simply have quiet time on Saturdays, but starting next Saturday I'll figure in the Castor Oil bath.

On a visit to Rishikesh India in 2009 I had an ayurvedic oil bath and massage.  Since then I've only been treated to some lovingly prepared potions from a budding Ayurvedic; the detoxifying affects which I've found amazingly restorative and essential.  Sadly, that equates to only a few treatments in about 4 years.  Now I get to do this weekly!!!  I'll post more about this in about a month.

As I return to the sameness of Primary in Mysore practice day after day, I discover so many new things.

Thoughts on Kino MacGregor's New Book: The Power of Ashtanga Yoga

Kino MacGregor (Kino) has a way of articulating Ashtanga Yoga that illustrates the power and the subtleties of the practice in a way that is clear, gentile and compassionate in her latest book: The Power of Ashtanga Yoga.  I ordered it through Amazon last month and devoured it when it arrived about a week and a half ago.  A "follower" if you will of her YouTube presence for a couple of years now, I've been drawn to her matter of fact presentation of the practice and her pleasant nature.

Kino's had a 6 day a week practice for 12 years and therefore impressively talks through her YouTube demos with great control.   Further, when she uses models there is a an understatedness about it - almost as though the model isn't really there.   Kino's alignment cues in her vids range from the gross body to the subtle spiritual - a delicate line that she crosses every time with finesse.  Finally, her attire.  My acquisition phase for yoga clothes is waning; however, when I returned from a visit to the Miami Life Center in February I purchased 2 pair of SpaceCat shorts for home practice, and yes, they are worry free.  But enough about why I like Kino, here's what I got from her book.

It's broken into two parts, Theory and Practice.  The second part of the book is an asana guide for Primary Series (Yoga Chikista) followed by appendices on mantras, the vinyasa count and a complete picture guide on Primary.

The fabulous thing about yoga is the infinite amount of time you can spend studying it's varied aspects.  Kino is able to extract majorly complex subject matter points and finely articulates them.  In her Acknowledgements she pays homage to her teacher Sri K. Pattabhi Jois (Jois) and shares that the first yoga classes she took were at the gym at the bendy age of 19.   Her journey in the beginning was no different from the rest of ours in that it was replete with a racing mind, fashion obsession (yoga gear), asana grasping and my personal favorite, injury. 

Here are some of the parts of the Theory chapters I noted.  This section is a short, digestable 56 pages; I'll outline my favorite parts.   Again, yoga is a vast subject and Kino underscores that fact well in the section called "The Ancient Origins of Yoga Poses" where she states:

"While asana developed within the context of the larger philosophy and theory of yoga, it would be incorrect to say that they are the same.  Asana is a subset of yoga and one - perhaps foundational - step in the full eight-limbed path of Ashtanga Yoga." p 5

"The eight-limbed path outlined in Patanjali's yoga Sutras describes the ultimate goal of yoga as final liberation through the steady cultivation of practice and nonattachment, and asana plays a vital role." p6

On Ashtanga as a Spiritual Practice, Kino talks about the 6 poisons (desire, anger, delusion, greed, envy and sloth) and that Jois taught that in order to remove them "...you have to pactice with strong determination and change layers of deeply rooted negative behavioural patters (samskaras) that can be eradicated through yogic purification." p9  I agree that the decision to do a daily practice is in and of itself a transformative one.  In the quest to study with master teachers, some new Ashtangis I've talked to have come to Mysore because they wanted to attend a master class intensive and were told they needed to begin a regular Mysore practice.  I hadn't run across that requirement in my studies but had felt a subtle internal rumbling for about a year that bubbled over when Lent approached in March.  For starters, I'm burning through sloth.  Asanas aside, this phenomenon makes bujapidasana and kurmasana look like a walk in the park.

Which leads into, Ashtanga Physical Practice on page 9.  Kino describes the 6 groups of poses that consist of Primary Series, also known as Yoga Chikista aka gross level detox - and the concept of its progression.   Second or Intermediate also known as Nadi Shodhana or nerve cleansing consists of deeper backbends.  Finally, the Advanced Practice (Third through Sixth Series) are briefly explained if at all;  Kino practices Third and Fourth.

Practicing as much as one can is recommended; 6 days a week minus full and new moon days, Saturdays and ladies holidays.  I've been following this schedule as much as possible.  When an off day rolls around, it's actually hard to not get up early (although not as early as weekday Mysore hours) and practice another form of sadhana, so that's what I do.  There's no TV, phone or iPod at this time of course.

Chapter 2 entitled: Heart of the Method; Breath, Pose and Gaze (Tristanta Method) is where Kino breaks down these three components.  Again, vast subjects which she exceptionally captures in about 15 pages.   Chapter 3 on The Ashtanga Yoga Diet covers vegetarianism and the practice of ahisma or non-harming which forms the first limb of the Ashtanga Yoga eight-limbed path.  She discusses how food rooted to the earth and food reaching closest to the sun impact your internal cleansing, environmental consciousness and physical constitution.

I've chosen a pescatarian diet over the years and haven't had a bite of meat in the past 3 years except when someone slips me a mickey.  Meat began to make me feel sluggish when I began my yoga practice in 2004 but at the time I couldn't put a finger on the cause of my fatigue and bloat.  I just figured that my body was working better! And that my body was tired because I was taking a lot of hot yoga classes.   Gradually I cut out all meats and noticed positive results in my energy levels and gut comfort but held on to chicken and fish.  Then one day Russell Simmons posted a video on chicken processing that I could only watch halfway; therefore beginning the end of my love affair with the bird.

Theory ends with Chapter 4 on The Spiritual Journey of Asana: Yoga Beyond Bending and in classic Kino fashion she hones in on the ultimate; unlocking your potential  through your practice so that you can witness the divine and your own transformation.  "...the physical tansformation you attain through yoga is not the result of targeted toning techniques; instead it occurs when you dissolve and surpass deeply entrenched physcological and emotional patterns; your body changes as your mind evolves." p46   It takes courage on your part as well as a good teacher who "...inspires the student to greatness beyond the boundaries of anything they know to be true." p47

Part 2 on the practice is wonderful pictured asana guide which gives appropriate attention to the alignment cues for each.  Kino's book is truly a handy guide for any yoga teacher and a must have for students in my opinion.

Bullet Points

My good friend Kat sends me updates on her life in the form of poetry which I just adore, and every now and then I am moved to copy her writing style in my blog to break up the essays.  However, my ignorance of the proper mechanics prevents me from using the correct line structuring let alone composing a rhyme, so I'll call this post:

Bullet Points

Blessed Moon Day yesterday, not a moment too soon nor too late,
For today is Saturday and it's practically a guilty pleasure to sleep in.
My body aches in a different way now in week two of studio mysore;
Must be all the adjustments.

I think this is good!!

Even earlier I get up in the mornings now in order to leave the house by 5 AM, when before waking at 5 AM seemed impossible.
Mona Lisa and I are slowly developing a new cuddle routine which nets us more time together than before.

When to eat dinner is still a mystery.  6 PM seems too early, 8 PM just right, actual dinnertime is 9 PM.  I think I should be eating around 3 PM.
Sleep comes fast and heavy around 10:20 PM.

New things about myself are being exposed,
and oh yeah, that includes postures.
But new postures seem trivial now in light of the other changes I've noticed in myself since starting mysore 3 months ago.

In case you're wondering, I'm still drinking green smoothies :)

Letting Go

Someone asked me recently how my asana practice was going.  For a moment the question caught me off guard because I haven't blogged for a couple of weeks and I've just been quietly plodding along in my living room each morning with no new news to report.   The reason for my silence is that I'm stuck..and you readers know where.   So my reply was, "It's going OK."

A few weeks back, I fell on my head while demonstrating bujapidasana in class.   Wiping out while teaching reinforced my core belief that one shouldn't teach a pose that one hasn't mastered. However, I was teaching the modification, which up until that point was working well for me.   There seemed to be no harm done to my head, just a little tenderness around my neck and shoulders later that night.  An excuse to get some use out of my China Gel.

The next morning I was back on the mat, and when I came to bujapidasana this time I extended my chin forward and lengthened my spine instead of lowering the crown of my head down which releases my abdominals, essentially making the arm balance more of a hangout.  Voila! A different asana, with core engagement, stability and control.  I can't quite get my feet up yet but this is progress over the preceding loosey goosey attempts.

Kurmasana awaits me at the other side of this work, and even though I may be stuck there even longer I look forward to working my way into the openness that this asana brings.   I know how this pose feels because I've done it a few times with assistance in led primary classes.  It feels soooo good.  But I can't have it yet.  Buja is taking the time it needs which brought me to terms with what I have known for a while needs to be done, and it only took me falling on my head to realize that I should see to this measure sooner rather than later.

This week I let go of left  my living room and The Weaver for mysore at the studio.  Waking BEFORE 5AM, The Weaver eyed me incredulously while I performed a hurried version of my showering and teeth brushing ritual.   I actually gave this jaunt a dry run last week, which settled my nervousness around getting stuck in traffic and being horribly late to work.  I had just enough time afterward to get home, re-perform my grooming rituals and hustle out the door by 7:45.

What happened at my next mysore practice next surprised me.

Missing Curfew

I was doing so good!  Getting to bed by 10 PM and waking up without the alarm just a few minutes before 5 AM.  But with the arrival of April and warm weather, I've been more energized at night, and missing bedtime curfew.  The first time this happened I was able to still wake for mysore, albeit not on my own.   Sure of an early retirement the following evening, I missed bedtime again.  It was a slippery slope.  Saturdays brought a respite from my insubordination but not much because I still had to wake to teach and could have used a few more hours of sweet sleep.

Stepping back from all of this it seems that April, my birth month, has always been a coming out time for me.  Winters' caving tendencies are broken once flowers push through cool soil.  Evening dinner outings after a full day of activity have replaced couch and movie theater time.   Yet my commitment to mysore will stand as I figure out how to incorporate my body's spring rhythm without pushing myself to exhaustion.  I ask other ashtangis how they deal with the ebb and flow of a seasonal body rhythm?  It governs me, so instead of fighting it I will seek to find a way for it to coexist with  my practice.  So for starters this means that for this season, I will have to rely on my alarm to wake.

Lenten Obervances About Mysore

My second Lenten commitment was beginning a consistent mysore practice.  I've been doing it at home and using two DVD's that I picked up from the Miami Life Center in February to promote my understanding:  Sharath Jois's Ashtanga Yoga Primary Series and Kino MacGregor's Ashtanga Yoga Primary Series.   Sharah's video has helped me to learn to count the postures while Kino's video offers insightful alignment cues.   They also explicitly illustrate postures with real bodies (theirs), along with their transitions in motion.  It's essentially Sharath and Kino practicing primary with a voice overlay.  This is an invaluable demonstration for a visual learner like me in these early stages.  Both videos count breath much faster than I do, which makes a full led primary possible in a record 75 minutes, but I only do that on Sundays (more on why in a minute).


There are a number of postures I am exploring at an given day up to my stopping point.  More specifically, there are many aspects of Ashtanga's minor details that are landing on me now and I'll name two that occurred early on.  Spinning the back heel down before stepping into warrior and relaxing my arms in prasarita padottanasana C.  I've been practicing a different way of finding these postures up to this point.  The former is a new way of stepping into warrior 1 and makes for a much more grounded and deeper lunge that squares my hips before my hands leave the mat.  My shoulders release more in the latter in prasarita when I relax into gravity.  Dr. Judith Lasater talked about how postures happen in relation to gravity a lot when I studied anatomy with her two summers ago.   Now, Kino's cue to relax in a posture makes sense and I find that once my threshhold is met, gravity coaxes me deeper when I surrender to its force.  Another discovery - relaxing doesn't really mean "relaxing". The best way I can explain it is the point where physical threshhold is met with five deep breaths into an equal amount of effort and release.


There are other things I notice as well, such as how the discipline of Ashtanga has tempered my desire to achieve advanced postures allowing instead an appreciation for the totality of the practice. Which brings me back to why I only practice full led primary on Sundays.  My stopping point in mysore now is the bhujapidasana fold.   At some point very soon I suspect it will become smoother for me, and even though the transition out of this pose is accessible, I am content to remain with the fold until it becomes effortless.  Besides, my breaths are long and by the time I reach this posture, I need to wrap up in order to finish in time to get ready for work.  Herein lies the dilemma of whether to wake up earlier than 4:50 AM once bujapidasana is covered.


Now I know you've been wondering how in the world I call myself an Ashtanga teacher and I'm just beginning mysore practice.  My reality is that I can't get to Mysore India for a month.  However, I've practiced led classes for a few years now, know primary and second series and trained in Rocket Yoga with David Kyle.  It's not until now that I've had more than memory and led class experience backed by 9 years of vinyasa practice from which to impart the teachings.  For reasons unbeknownst to me I've come to mysore in this manner.  The sort of self inquiry that edifies me comes from what happens when I roll out the mat each morning in silence, when The Weaver seeks to distract, when the battle of mind over bodily desires to sink deeper into down bedding sneak in, and from being able to witness my mental and physical evolution.  It's a path I delight in taking and my teaching has evolved accordingly.


Now that Lent is over by almost two weeks and winter has turned into summer (if you live near DC you know that this isn't a typo)  in Virginia, I welcome beads of sweat that flow more readily.  I also welcome the feeling of rising earlier than 6 AM to do what I once thought wasn't possible for myself.   As moon days roll around there's a distinct change in my state of mind and energy level, and I welcome the day off from practice because the struggle over steadiness can ensue like a Game of Thrones.  Oblivious to the ebb and flow of subtle energies like this before, the wisdom of knowing when to rest eluded me and invited exhaustion, frustration and injury in the past.  These things may still occur, but hopefully for reasons deserving my attention.


At this writing it is almost bed time and The Weaver has retreated signalling that in order to rise with me, she too must get to bed early :).

Lenten Smoothie Update

Well here it is, the Saturday before Easter.   In earnest I've been preparing a smoothie almost every day since about a week into Lent.  They usually contain something green which is my preference, however, I've deliberately foregone my favorite ingredient (spinach) every few days not only to allow my palate to experience alternative textures and tastes but so that I could handle different foods.  Given that experiment, I've discovered that greens must remain part of the recipe in some form - blame it on the V8 juices my father kept around and asked me to drink in college when he was sure I wasn't eating right.


So in keeping with all of that,  today I made the cranberry salad smoothie, which does contain celery.  During one of my now enthusiastic visits to the grocery store, I bought a bag of oranges that I couldn't possibly consume entirely as snacks before spoiling and lo, they will not go to waste.  Left over in the fridge was some fresh spinach  from Old Faithful so I threw some leaves in.  The result of a pinch of greens was a ruddy color in the finished product; a homemade V8!


During this period of blogging about smoothies, readers have shared with me their own smoothie recipes and or their desire to begin making them.  I've also brought some to work to give to co-workers who were curious about what was in my cup each day.  Results were favorable for the tasters, who made note of that days' recipe.   In the latest feedback I received just today a student told me that she and her husband have been eating raw and drinking smoothies 4-5 days a week and then eating regular (I assume cooked) meals the remaining days.  She said that she can't imagine eating any other way now because beyond the obvious nutritional benefits, she feels so good and has noticed how beautiful her skin has become.  I've noticed a glow about her also, and if you read about drinking vegetables regularly you've no doubt seen that radiant skin is a bi-product of this regimen.   My own skin - though under the care of a derm for adult acne regenerates quickly over night, sporting richer undertones and texture in the morning.


I get up at 5 AM on weekdays and have  begun to consume smoothies at home right after mysore practice as part of my morning sadhana.   The reason for this has evolved to be two-fold.  One, it's a wonderful post asana boost.  Two, it's advisable to brush your teeth or at least rinse your mouth after drinking a smoothie.  The acidic properties can not only erode tooth enamel, but worse reminiscent of the Cool-Aid era, one day at work hours after drinking a smoothie I visited the ladies room to find my lips awash in green residue.   Horror was replaced by the relief that I had no meetings prior to my discovery; however, I just can't run that risk when my toothbrush was a car ride away.



Back to the benefits.  Being pescatarian, it's increasingly important for me to consume the proper amounts of vitamins in slightly larger quantities in order to satisfy the recommended nutritional and caloric intake.     Prior to the quest to improve my relationship with food and begin a mysore practice I would have continued to live on random considerations for my nutrition and fortification ignoring hunger pangs because I am a non-cook.   Protein shakes are also an add to my daily allowance to prevent the tearing down of muscle which is a real risk given that daily mysore practice lasts about an hour and 15 minutes.  The need to replenish nutrients is real, and time sensitive.  Once at work, a veggie omelet with a biscuit seals the deal.   My new regimen has become effortless and I feel great.

Saint Patricks' Day Obervance

I slept in till 8 AM this morning, and made my way to the living room around 8:30 AM for practice.  Though it was nice to sleep in, I really didn't need to, it just felt good to languish.  In keeping with the tone of stretching things out, I practiced more of primary this morning since I don't have to be anywhere today until 1:30 PM.  I noticed that after taking yesterday off, standing twists and marichyasana C&D were difficult.  The Weaver has taken to accompanying me during sun salutations and seems quite amused with herself in the process, laying right in my path.  Admittedly, she helps me to be mindful as I move forward, back and down.   This is especially challenging  because Mona Lisa is also vocal while I prefer  silence; however, I will accept her languishing beneath me and mewing to her extending pointed claws into my black mat - which has happened once already.


Besides the technical aspects I noticed about today's practice, given that Saint Patrick's Day is dedicated to drink, I have one broad observance to share.  I have had no taste for alcohol since beginning regular mysore.  Prior to changing my practice, I would enjoy a glass of wine at home a couple times a week and would meet up with friends to relax and sip.   Since I started getting up just before 5 AM 5 days a week, I find that I am naturally relaxed in the evening only craving dinner.   This doesn't explain why I don't want to drink on the weekends though, so I have no educated guess for that.  I'll have to look into this further, for I'm sure there's something chemical involved here and maybe some of you who have had a similar experience can chime in.


One thing I do crave are my daily smoothies, green or not they fortify me.    My most recent being the Berry Delicious Smoothie.  Although it's got a lot of fruit, which I don't prefer because of the sugar I didn't feel the glucose overload hit my system:


1 cup frozen pineapple

1 ripe banana

1 cup blueberries

1/3 cup cranberries

1/2 cup ice cubes

(I added some coconut milk after this picture was taken although the recipe doesn't call for it.  The blender does better when there's a liquid ingredient)

Ashtanga Weekend with David Robson

Narrowly escaping a nor’easter that would clobber New England, I left for Miami. Destination, the Miami Life Center in South Beach for a weekend with David Robson. He runs the largest Mysore program outside of Mysore India, which is based in Toronto.

Florida in all of its splendor didn’t disappoint when we arrived; temps warm and balmy, the people young and beautiful. Even those not young in years had a vitality about them. I think it’s the vitamin D. Right off the bat we connected with the hotels master chef who also turned out to be a shutterbug and was quite photogenic. He was the first of many friendly Floridians whom we had the pleasure of encountering.

The Learn to Float workshop was Friday evening. In the vinyasa sequence the jumping forward and back on your hands can also be achieved by floating. Its not part of the ashtanga practice because there is no count for it, but yogis like to do it anyway. It requires strength, a fair amount of fearlessness and a WHOLE lot of practice. I found it difficult to keep my arms straight, but it is coming.

David also had us practice sun salutations a and b to a drum beat. Moving in this manner required slowing down some movements such as up dog and expedieting others such as warrior 1. Breathing in this manner is called sama vritti, and connected with movement resulted in a lot more internal heat and focus for me. The weekend was multipurposed and therefore split between led primary and mysore.

I love workshopping because I get to spend time on nuances that just can’t always be broken down in a guided class. My teacher Ursula often says at the start of her guided ashtanga classes, “we get right to it” so in keeping with the self practice of Mysore, ashtangis owe it to themselves to spend time supplementing their practice with workshops, dvds and or books. Regular practice is a must, but knowing the sequence is simply not enough. I recall many of the teachers I‘ve spent time with documenting their svadhyaya or self study and writing about it also cements the experience for me.

My Second Studio Mysore Studio Class (The Magic is in the Mysore)

I’ve returned for my second class and decided on the early shift, coaxing a very sleepy student from a Sunday morning slumber to come to his first Mysore class ever with me. When we entered, the studio was quiet, and it didn’t sound like anyone was there. It wasn’t until we took off our shoes that I heard a thump overhead. Aaaaahhhh… The regular early risers were well into their practice, but wait – when did they arrive?

At the top of the landing I introduced my friend to Keith, the mysore teacher, who of course welcomed him in without batting an eye. Shame on me for not preregistering Kevin because the room was just about full and the second shift hadn’t even arrived (note to self). But, as if preordained, there were two spots open on opposite sides of the main room. After our hellos and moments of getting acquainted, Keith sternly advised, “Don’t do what she does” which made me smile a little. It was a private joke for me; I’d gotten into the habit of wanting to be near new students in practice so they could watch me, and herein lies the treasure. There is only one teacher in the room besides yourself of course, and the biggest trap a new practitioner unwittingly falls into is setting up to watch an experienced student. I’m sure I did this when I began my practice (think being in the back of the room) and it helped sometimes but it also turned me into a spectator, frustrated me to no end and ultimately kept me from having my own inner experience.

So we began. Keith guided Kevin through Sun A’s and B’s while I moved through Primary. This time I hit the postures I’d missed last week, but then I forgot others! I can’t explain that one, but at least this time I was aware of missing them...progress. In these last two practices, I found parivrtta parsvakonasana with ease and marichyasana D appeared out of nowhere and I mean nowhere!!

“Were you watching me?” Kevin asked afterward. “No” was my instinctive response – I typically don’t watch anyone while I’m practicing. But I had to confess, “Your chaturangas looked great!” I'd stolen a few glances from across the room out of happiness for him because he’d pushed through fatigue to get on his mat, and he really is a good student. Kevin's been a vinyasa practitioner for a while now and I’d given him some suggestions in the past which he immediately grasped and applies in his practice. Even better, the next day he reported that he practiced his sun salutations again as Keith taught him.

Well, next I’ll attend led primary, which is always great fun because this class is chock full of traditional teachings. While I enjoy these practices a great deal, I've found that real the magic is in the mysore. More to come.

My First Mysore Studio Class

On this most glorious fall day in Washington, DC, I attended my very first mysore studio class. I’ve practiced plenty at home and in studio led classes, but the magic of studio mysore after all these years has been elusive for one reason or another.

I signed up for the second shift so I could ease in and check out what was going on. At the studio, Ashtangis were arriving with me, stowing shoes, keys and jackets. Shedding layers of clothing. I’ve been here before for led primary, so I was not completely in unchartered territory. The studio is located in an unpretentious space, and has just enough room to handle the business of practice. I climbed the stairs timidly behind another practitioner who moved up the stairs with the ease of a regular. The familiar sounds of jumping, landing and breathing were getting louder. The wave of humidity at the top of the stairs was welcoming.

The first shift was well under way, and my stairway guide told the teacher, “She’s new.” The teacher recognized me instantly, welcomed me in warmly and said, “5A’s and 5B’s and we’ll go from there”. This is looking promising I thought but I’ve been practicing a modified version of Primary for years and hadn’t committed the full series to memory. Also, a medial meniscus tear in my right knee in April has prevented me from taking postures that require getting into full lotus without modifications. 5 A’s and 5 B’s later, I proceeded to standing postures, which I’ve done a million times before without thought. Modifying on the right, this was going well and all around me Ashtangis were in various stages of primary and secondary series. Everyone was in meditative bliss. Heaven.

A few assists from the teacher revealed deeper postures totally within my ability but yet to be experienced by me until then. Next it was down to seated postures, and all I knew to be true about sequencing went out the window. I skipped dandasana, paschimottanasana AND purvottanasana! Instantly the teacher was there with gentle correction – how did I forget that? I regrouped.

Shortly after getting back on track the teacher was back at my side. Not to give an assist or a subtle nod of approval, but TO CALL ME ON MY JUMPBACKS. I’d gotten caught shifting my hands forward instead of keeping them planted. Being lazy was my excuse, and habit my reality. Most often, I don’t get called on my tricks and workarounds and now I was cold busted on a nuance I’ve helped so many yogis to achieve for themselves. I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders because this is what I came to mysore for, really.

Instead of modifying between sides, I either did or attempted an honest jump back every time. It’s in the struggle, right? Tired as anything, but feeling stronger than ever, I was permitted to stay in the main room through closing sequence so the teacher could observe me. The weight that was lifted was the relief of having someone look out for me and who while praising me for the things I did well, was willing to call me out on the things that needed improvement. We both laughed at this while I gathered my things, preparing to leave. “I liked that I called you out on your jumpbacks.” the teacher said. “Me too.” I replied.