Saturday, July 20, 2013

A Letter to 36 Year Old Me


Dear 36 Year Old Me,

You’re gonna get hooked on this practice called yoga and are going to do it well into your 40s!  So go ahead and immerse yourself in it and into the yoga community.   I know you’ll stay with that basics class till the end and then begin taking all levels classes to push your limits.  Put yourself in uncomforbable places on the mat and with people, there is so much about you that has yet to be revealed (this statement doesn't make sense now, but it will after your first yoga retreat).  I know you and your girls think you’re coming into yourselves in your 30’s but you’ve got so much more to learn.

You’re gonna meet the most wonderful people in yoga classes and in workshops, some of whom will become your dearest friends for many years, including your basics teacher, Ursula.   Do sign up for workshops, retreats and yoga trips to far away lands.  Your yoga has more to teach you than just postures.  It will show you who you are, it will allow you to truly see other people and most of all yoga will teach you how to be present for your life.   I know that the reason you walked into that yoga studio was to get away from some harsh realities and decisions but yoga is going to lead you right  back into the heart of those matters pretty quickly.  Life is funny that way.

Things are going to change dramatically for you in a few years, and when life turns upsidown, yoga will be one of the few consistent things in your life that you will keep doing.   Oh, and those new yoga friends you’re going to make in addition to the ones you’ve always had will be there through it all.   Stay in touch with them even when you have to move away, not go out as much, or recover your health.

In about 5 years you will give up all meat but fish, so you’ll be saying goodbye to the “itis” and “the food baby” forever.   You grew up eating all your vegetables anyway, so you’ll adjust to this way of eating just fine.    I know you don’t eat fast food now, but the one or two times you forget yourself and get a filet o fish meal from McDonalds – because sadly you’re still going to be a non-cook in 9 years - it’ll take about two days for you make amends with your constitution.   It will take exactly 2 instances for you to get this lesson.

You’ll leave the house without blowdrying and straightening your hair – A LOT and will donate your hair rollers.

Your shoes of choice will be flip flops and UGGS, which right now I know you’d rather wear only at the pool and throw into a raging bonfire respectively.

You will have little use for your bras save for special occasions for about 3 years – more on this later.

Please don’t wait until you’ve got mounds of yoga clothes in your closet before you donate them to new yogis who don’t want to drop their paychecks at Lululemon.  You’ll keep the first pair of groove pants from there for 9 years and counting for nostalgic purposes, but the others must go.  Besides, 9 years from now you’ll be waking up so early to practice that you won’t care what you put on, as long as it’s a top and a bottom and doesn't require you to constantly adjust yourself in class.  Did I mention that you’d be practicing every day?

If you missed what I said in the previous paragraph, I’ll say it again:  you’re going to be practicing in the MORNING!  I know that you feel your body is at it’s “yoga best” in the evenings and although a morning person who considers that sacred pillow time before 6 am untouchable, you’re gonna grow to appreciate the stillness of mind that only happens before you’ve had a chance to turn on the news, check this thing called Facebook and answer emails (work and personal) and get on the phone.    You’ve yet to discover the quiet mind part yet.  That will take several years.

Here’s the shocker.  You will become a Yoga Teacher!  Completely certified.  Where will you amass the time and money for this you ask?  In 2008, you’ll find yourself with a nice severance package from that job you thought you'd never leave and 6 months (that you know of) of free time which you will diligently manage to stretch into almost 3 years so that you can hone this new craft.  It will be some of the best time and money you’ve ever spent developing yourself.  You will become comfortable speaking in public, create a  yoga business and learn to live off of a third of your pre 2008 salary (don't panic OK).   You’ll wear amazing yoga tops that will have built in bodice support (see above) that will easily transition into presentable attire when you’re not teaching.  Being a teacher hasn’t crossed your mind in the least right now, but this will be revealed to you when the time is right.

You’ll come to what you think is full circle in your yoga practice when you return to work full time and begin teaching part time.  Having your cake and eating it too in that regard will have never been sweeter.  However, your journey as a student will have begun again when you take up Ashtanga Yoga.  Right now you think that there is only one style and have never heard of Ashtanga, and that’s OK.  You’ll learn about many styles of yoga thanks to your steady nomadic nature, and in about 8 years you will start to seriously consider commiting to this practice.  Once you do commit YOU WILL WAKE UP AT 4:40 AM TO GO TO THE STUDIO and evening practices will end for the most part.  You will practice when you feel like it and when you don't.

Yet again, you will find yourself in wonderful, supportive places and with teachers from whom you will learn so much.   Family and friends will ask you about yoga over the years and will want to learn more and you will share it with them.  To their surprise, you will start by teaching them how to breathe.    You will prefer silence in the car and will grow tired of most television if not all except for HBO.   You will still splurge now and again on clothes but will get away with much less than you have now, which will be more than plenty.  It will become easier to allow people into and out of your life, and while you won't be perfect in how you handle these comings and goings, you will learn to make your peace with the outcome.      

Lastly, you will shed a lot of the material things that you thought defined you once upon a time,  but mostly you'll shed the part of  you who feels that what is really happening with you is nobody's business.  You will post fairly regularly your life experiences on the internet in an online blog (it's like a journal) and you will feel completely at ease with this activity.   9 years from now you will find that in spite of all you've learned that you've only scratched the surface of your life, and this will bring you immense joy.

Love,
45 Year Old You

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