Didn't bat an eye when my alarm went off at 4:40 AM. I had gotten to bed around 10 the night before and figured I was either gonna get out of bed or literally lay witness to the internal argument. Usually talkative, The Weaver quietly regarded me with wide eyes when she saw me put on shoes. "Mommy's practicing without you today, sugars, see you in a bit." I said while crouching and backing out of the house. Despite the hour, it's always worth it to Mona to make a play for the door which adds a 5 to 10 minute delay to my departure depending on how far she makes it down the hall.
Only a few birds were singing when I made my way into the open air garage which was eerily still. Predawn traffic was light and I got to AYSDC in 20 minutes. I've been to mysore before, but only on Sunday mornings; which is a breeze to get to because there's no rush hour traffic. A little nervous but glad that the room was sparse (one student was there besides me), the teacher, Keith gave me lots of assists "or picked on me" in his words, nudging me deeper into asanas and reinvigorating ones that had become stagnant.
The room filled with Ashtangis as time went on, but as I got to bujapidasana, Keith came over and talked me through the modification. Right away the demo wipeout memory flashed in front of me and my ego cried out, "Oh #$$%! how are we gonna do this?" Assisting me throughout, Keith talked me through entry, middle (dropping my head then picking up my feet) and exit. Thank God. Then like an eagle mother teaching its eaglet how to fly, he told me to do it again and walked away. So this time my ego unchained recommended I go for the chin forward version. At the precise moment of my attempt Keith caught me in the act and called out from the middle of the room in the very sweet yet stern way he has, "drop your head down". Ego cringed while anticipating wipeout #2 as I dropped my feet, then my head, lifted my feet, dropped my feet, lifted my head and I made a peaceful exit from Buja on my own. Well then!
With that drama behind me, my preprogrammed self jumped through to begin wheel and closing series. Just as I was doing so, Keith was back at my side saying, "Do the next one". "huh?" I asked. "Do the next one." he repeated. And herein lies the surprise. KURMASANA was given. Not only that, but a little garba practice too. Being the process lover, it did not occur to me that I'd be given additional poses so quickly. I just knew that I'd toil for weeks on perfecting everything up to that point.
In mid life I'm discovering that I have ways of being that brought me much comfort in the past that no longer work for me and need changing. Letting go of outworn methodologies has been complicated at best and rife with extreme discomfort. Yet always on the other side there's been expansion into new areas of growth that are liberating and scary! I've had to take a few days off from practice, and came back today. I stopped at kurmasana and reported to Keith on my way out who noted we would work on it more next time. I'm looking forward to doing so, as well as working on more of letting go.
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