Transition

This week between Christmas and New Years I’ve stopped teaching most of my classes and have begun to focus on preparing for my return to working 9-5 in January – and do a little blogging. This shift actually began several months ago, when I applied for the first job back in the summertime and resolved that at some point soon my yoga teaching sabbatical would end. At about the same time, I was preparing to enroll in more teacher training and had settled comfortably into my teaching schedule. My feelings were mixed.

Fast forward beyond many job applications to the day my interviews began, and the prospect of ending sleepless nights over unpredictable income, health care and tax season I’d experienced that last 2 years started to appeal to me. But here’s the kicker. Those intermittent periods of worry turned out to be signals that despite immense job satisfaction there was an impermanence of my situation that I hadn’t before recognized despite being presented with this lesson before. As this wave of realization washed over me, I released my grasp of things as they had been with an open heart and accepted that my teaching sabbatical was yet another catalyst for my ongoing personal awakening and surrender to God’s control over my life.

Prior to my sabbatical, I was married and had a great corporate job that I was afraid to death to leave because I didn’t believe life could take care of me any other way. The problem with that way of thinking is that when you believe you control your circumstance you limit your ability to imagine that turning things over to the Divine could release you into unimaginable experiences and opportunities. It turned out that neither of those situations were my destiny and though it was difficult to endure their release from my life, the pain that resulted catapulted me onto my path of seeing things as they were and accepting the ever transitory nature of life.

Now let me break it down because I know you’re wondering when I’m going to get real about the money. Many of my dear friends are also yoga teachers, some full time and others part time. Myself, as a non-codependent female I recognize that unless you are catering to the masses and or have master teacher status, it’s very difficult to make a decent living for indeterminable periods while living in a metropolitan area. In the last 2 years I’ve been living for the most part very happily, very simply and healthy. Of course there have been bumps along the way but I knew that if I did my best and didn’t squander resources, things would work themselves out.

The beauty of what’s happening in my life now is that I am returning to what I loved doing before as passionate as ever (much less extreme than HBO’s Enlightenment, thank you) and I will continue to teach yoga on weekends. Last night for the first time in as long as I can remember, I took an evening Ashtanga practice at my home studio – DIVINE! I’ve rediscovered how a shift in practice time (I practice in the morning almost exclusively) is revealing and necessary for me. Unsure of what to expect, I’d alerted the teacher to my possible “raggedy practice” for emotional reasons but became pleasantly surprised as soon as we chanted the opening Ashtanga mantra. During and after practice I felt amazing and grateful. As you can see, the lessons of impermanence and unpredictability continue for me.

I’m not going to say what I expect to happen in the coming weeks or months in my new job except that I will do my best and have faith that God will continue to provide.